So dear readers I must apologize for my mechanical backward-ness...this piece is actually Part 1 of a previous post entitled What Do We Really Want, I apologize for the hassle, but you will still be able to make the link.:D
This is real, am levelling with the people...cool, true life story.
I've always thought when it came to guys I knew what was best for me. Somehow, I have only met my type of guy maybe once or twice (maybe), this has made me wonder, if I actually had a type. Many guys have I met, and many different shades they were. Never had I believed that I would like someone enough to.....anyway.
Then one day (a couple years ago, actually feels like about 10 years ago), I met this guy, average looking, right height, right built, right complexion, and was quite the dresser. He was really easy on the eyes and in a long line in the bank (he was directly behind me) counting how many people had on black shoes was the next best thing.
So we chatted a little, needless to say he was...lets just say, not the type of guy I'd go for on a regular. He did spark my interest and we kept in touch and what not then after a really long time I started to like him (tum tum tum tuuuuuuuuum).
I tried to convince myself that liking him would be wrong (for more than one reason), but myself convinced me that I did like him and being wrong didn't matter. As time passed he grew on me and this was now the million dollar question..."If I could let myself go and like someone who I believed liked me too (still does...poor thing), could make me laugh, make me feel loved (whatever the hell that was/is), and wants nothing but the best for me, then why in the name of all things good would I continue to run???
El numero uno, and probably the only reason why it didn't work ....he could never tell me what he did to get money and when he did tell me...he spent the rest of time trying to convince me..saying, "it's all good". *Scoffs* like I'm buying that...when we went on the road, he was so antsy...anway. Ya'll get the idea, but everything else well almost everything else was cool...even his mum liked me (yea she thought i was sumn special, its cool i am sumn special;).
Bottom line is, do we really have types, and how often do we get so lucky as to meet that "special" type? Cuz i'm thinking 9 out of 10 times we meet the "almost perfect" girl or guy and the one thing that usually throws us off is sometimes so minim and ridiculous like, the person is too nice..wtf?? Isn't that what we all want, a nice person? My friends always tell me I'm picky and this may very well be true, but doesn't everybody do this at times? What are we really looking for in our mates?
I hate the horse crock story about how the outside doesn't count its the inside that does, uuhhmm, yeah we like to know our partners can connect to us on a spiritual level...but helllerrr!!! whats the point if i find something so very distasteful about how he looks and can't get over it, but everything else is peachy? Or whats the point if he's drop dead gorgeous and nothing else? I could give you lots more comparisons...but am running outa energy,but give it some thought and reply, please, let me see if I really have too much free time on my hands... might do a part two.(I did, its the previous post of the same name)
Monday, June 20, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
What Do We Really Want? Part 2
Ok, so here we are again, I was almost too sure I would have a follow up.
While trying to figure out if what i was looking for in a partner was asking too much , I realized that I wasn't and that other females had somewhat taller orders to fill. So after careful thought and ineteresting developments, I have come upon another issue.
So you want Mr. Charming, educated, blah blah blah, you find it...........only to learn that, well, due to his religion, you might not be able to take him home to meet the family. The family would be mortified, well I'm assuming based on how they speak about this particular religion on any given day, it would suggest zero tolerance. What do you do?
Or, you meet Mr. Charming and sexually he misses the mark.......I mean like totally missed. I know what that would mean for me but are the factors that affect how we choose our partners really worth giving in to?
In another note I wrote I asked why would or better yet why do most people sacrfice their happiness to please society, by adhereing to out dated norms? More so why is society so hung up on somethings? I watched a movie named Whatever Works, and while it was a tad bit disturbing, I did not fail to get the point that the primary basis of an individuals existence is built on personal happiness. And that we shouldn't be left skimming the garbage for it when it comes along every day in different forms, shapes and sizes and also most importantly in different types of people.
While that movie serves as a big "F YOU" to societies norms, it got me thinking how many times I have sacrificed my happiness. Now, in all civility we would like to presume that this happiness is within the confines of the laws of whichever land you currently reside on.
Also, I am in no way advocating for the disrespect of parents etc, on their beliefs. Family is of utmost importance to me and my partner is ultimately going to be a part of my family he should be able to fit in comfortably and be happy as well (not only about my happiness). Without getting too biblical, the bible speaks pf uneven yokes, and sure we might even know a few. But instead of judging do we stop to think, how are they together? Does it work? How is society being affected?
While the religious divide is quite simple, society may be offended by an individuals choice. I remeber when weddings that were not held in a church building were not complete and sanctified. Now society has become more lax and we find more people having beach, backyard and park weddings. Is there a common place for other eventualities such as religion?
Can people from two different denomination be together without everybody butting in, or more interestingly can society allow two people from two different religions to have a healthy, conflict-free relationship?
Isn't the decision of the relationships viability the job of both parties involved? I jokingly told someone that if my parents don't like who i'm talking to because of something we don't see as a problem then we are eloping....lol. Of course thats all talk...or is it?
But how far will we let society take us away from our own happiness? In part one I recall mentioning a few of the more trivial things like being able to speak well but wasn't that along with others all influenced by the people we know and love called family? Who are also more interested in what the church brothers and sisters will say when u turn up to church with a Vybz Kartel? (OMG, I would love to be at church that day).
How about the sex is good but he's not good-looking enough? Or, the sex is good but he is not educated enough? Many other buts may arise and in essence good sex should be able (have the capacity) to suffice all or most other shortcomings, IF and ONLY IF, the statement that nothing can suffice for bad sex is true. Society is even in your bedroom, under your covers and between your legs.
Some people might just want to be single and have lots of cats, but society will curse them. Some people might want to not have kids, society will curse them. Some people may genuinely be in love, but if society doesn't love who you love, you secretly cease to love that person.
Sure there are those who have managed to defy society but at what cost?
I may come across as not giving society enough credit, but from what I've seen there is very little wiggle-room. A friend of mine made a post the other day, saying that it is important to have a good looking partner if you're ugly to balance out the looks of the child/children. Its the way we are, personally speaking, I have an affinity to the not-so-drop-dead-cute guys, maybe because deep down, my likkle bit of looks can make cute babies...DWL! Laughable to say the least, but it is also a factor of the perception of beauty posited by society and not just our immediate society but on an international level.
I will now bestow on you The Probablity Concept, which has little to do with Maths and society and more to do with individual happines and well-being. Its quite simple....You meet X, you evaluate how he looks, how he dresses, what type of shoes and socks he wears, what type of car he drives and what does he do, then after you have been talking for a while you might run a google search. (not ashamed to say I have)
Now the probabability exists that if you really like this person, you probably will have sex: HIV/AIDS test needs to be done, must use condom, condom may break, may get pregnant, may decide to keep baby. The relationship grows, all is well. Another probablity, you will probably start dating: may have sex, HIV/AIDS test, condom etc, will have to meet family, may get married. And yet another probablity, the biggest jerk ever: abort mission, sever ties.
While it is possible to experience more than one probablity with one person, its not set in stone, but it is one way to view life and such intricasies as relationships. It makes it easier to deal, if u cannot see yourself with the person after a couple dates, then I don't know what else you're looking for. I believe it is said that a woman knows within minutes of meeting a guy whether or not she will get intimate with him. It has been moved up a notch, if you imagine how the kids will look and you don't like it chances are u will delete his number and hope not to see him again.
Quite a vain approach...but like the movie, WHATEVER WORKS. However, while we are in persuit of happiness we should try not to become selfish and heartless. Think how your decisions will affect the next person....at the end of the day maybe thats why we care so much what everybody and their grandmothers think about us and the choices we make.
The question as far as I am concerned should now read, WHAT DOES SOCIETY REALLY WANT US TO WANT? We in essence make all choices and decisions based on what the world will think and to a lesser extent, what makes us happy.
While trying to figure out if what i was looking for in a partner was asking too much , I realized that I wasn't and that other females had somewhat taller orders to fill. So after careful thought and ineteresting developments, I have come upon another issue.
So you want Mr. Charming, educated, blah blah blah, you find it...........only to learn that, well, due to his religion, you might not be able to take him home to meet the family. The family would be mortified, well I'm assuming based on how they speak about this particular religion on any given day, it would suggest zero tolerance. What do you do?
Or, you meet Mr. Charming and sexually he misses the mark.......I mean like totally missed. I know what that would mean for me but are the factors that affect how we choose our partners really worth giving in to?
In another note I wrote I asked why would or better yet why do most people sacrfice their happiness to please society, by adhereing to out dated norms? More so why is society so hung up on somethings? I watched a movie named Whatever Works, and while it was a tad bit disturbing, I did not fail to get the point that the primary basis of an individuals existence is built on personal happiness. And that we shouldn't be left skimming the garbage for it when it comes along every day in different forms, shapes and sizes and also most importantly in different types of people.
While that movie serves as a big "F YOU" to societies norms, it got me thinking how many times I have sacrificed my happiness. Now, in all civility we would like to presume that this happiness is within the confines of the laws of whichever land you currently reside on.
Also, I am in no way advocating for the disrespect of parents etc, on their beliefs. Family is of utmost importance to me and my partner is ultimately going to be a part of my family he should be able to fit in comfortably and be happy as well (not only about my happiness). Without getting too biblical, the bible speaks pf uneven yokes, and sure we might even know a few. But instead of judging do we stop to think, how are they together? Does it work? How is society being affected?
While the religious divide is quite simple, society may be offended by an individuals choice. I remeber when weddings that were not held in a church building were not complete and sanctified. Now society has become more lax and we find more people having beach, backyard and park weddings. Is there a common place for other eventualities such as religion?
Can people from two different denomination be together without everybody butting in, or more interestingly can society allow two people from two different religions to have a healthy, conflict-free relationship?
Isn't the decision of the relationships viability the job of both parties involved? I jokingly told someone that if my parents don't like who i'm talking to because of something we don't see as a problem then we are eloping....lol. Of course thats all talk...or is it?
But how far will we let society take us away from our own happiness? In part one I recall mentioning a few of the more trivial things like being able to speak well but wasn't that along with others all influenced by the people we know and love called family? Who are also more interested in what the church brothers and sisters will say when u turn up to church with a Vybz Kartel? (OMG, I would love to be at church that day).
How about the sex is good but he's not good-looking enough? Or, the sex is good but he is not educated enough? Many other buts may arise and in essence good sex should be able (have the capacity) to suffice all or most other shortcomings, IF and ONLY IF, the statement that nothing can suffice for bad sex is true. Society is even in your bedroom, under your covers and between your legs.
Some people might just want to be single and have lots of cats, but society will curse them. Some people might want to not have kids, society will curse them. Some people may genuinely be in love, but if society doesn't love who you love, you secretly cease to love that person.
Sure there are those who have managed to defy society but at what cost?
I may come across as not giving society enough credit, but from what I've seen there is very little wiggle-room. A friend of mine made a post the other day, saying that it is important to have a good looking partner if you're ugly to balance out the looks of the child/children. Its the way we are, personally speaking, I have an affinity to the not-so-drop-dead-cute guys, maybe because deep down, my likkle bit of looks can make cute babies...DWL! Laughable to say the least, but it is also a factor of the perception of beauty posited by society and not just our immediate society but on an international level.
I will now bestow on you The Probablity Concept, which has little to do with Maths and society and more to do with individual happines and well-being. Its quite simple....You meet X, you evaluate how he looks, how he dresses, what type of shoes and socks he wears, what type of car he drives and what does he do, then after you have been talking for a while you might run a google search. (not ashamed to say I have)
Now the probabability exists that if you really like this person, you probably will have sex: HIV/AIDS test needs to be done, must use condom, condom may break, may get pregnant, may decide to keep baby. The relationship grows, all is well. Another probablity, you will probably start dating: may have sex, HIV/AIDS test, condom etc, will have to meet family, may get married. And yet another probablity, the biggest jerk ever: abort mission, sever ties.
While it is possible to experience more than one probablity with one person, its not set in stone, but it is one way to view life and such intricasies as relationships. It makes it easier to deal, if u cannot see yourself with the person after a couple dates, then I don't know what else you're looking for. I believe it is said that a woman knows within minutes of meeting a guy whether or not she will get intimate with him. It has been moved up a notch, if you imagine how the kids will look and you don't like it chances are u will delete his number and hope not to see him again.
Quite a vain approach...but like the movie, WHATEVER WORKS. However, while we are in persuit of happiness we should try not to become selfish and heartless. Think how your decisions will affect the next person....at the end of the day maybe thats why we care so much what everybody and their grandmothers think about us and the choices we make.
The question as far as I am concerned should now read, WHAT DOES SOCIETY REALLY WANT US TO WANT? We in essence make all choices and decisions based on what the world will think and to a lesser extent, what makes us happy.
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